With so many counsellors and therapists online, all with impressive websites and long lists of qualifications, how do you know who is right for you? I've sat in both chairs, first as a client and now as a counsellor.

Here are the red flags that made me walk away, the green flags that told me I'd found a keeper, and the grey flags worth pausing on. This is my experience; yours may differ, but I hope it helps you choose well.

A trauma-informed counsellor never pressures you. If you say no or feel overwhelmed, they stop and gently check what feels right for you.

One therapist asked for my date of birth but not my GP or emergency contact.

• Those details are there to keep you safe in an emergency, so leaving them out is a warning sign.

When I struggled with costs, one psychologist suggested I "open a tab" to keep attending rather than signposting me to affordable options.

• Running up debt with your therapist is most likely not the most ethical way to keep you in therapy.

A good therapist adapts to how you communicate, especially if you're neurodivergent or from a different cultural background.

• If their approach isn't helping and they won't change it, they should refer you to someone who can help.

They offer a genuine free consultation, ideally 15–45 minutes, not a rushed five minutes before pushing you to book.

• They ask for your feedback, such as "Is this approach working for you?", and respond without getting defensive.

• They understand that reaching out to a stranger is hard.

A trustworthy counsellor explains everything before you commit:

• Confidentiality: what you share stays private, except if someone is at serious risk of harm, in certain serious crimes, or by court order.

• Fees and cancellations: policies vary (from 24 hours' to a week's notice). What matters is that they're clear.

• Registration: in the UK, the titles "counsellor" and "therapist" are not legally protected. A strong green flag is membership of a professional body such as BACP, NCPS or UKCP, with a number you can check.

Qualifications alone don't guarantee a good fit. Following ethical guidelines consistently matters more than certificates on the wall.

A grey flag isn't good or bad. It depends on your situation.

• Not registered with BACP, UKCP or NCPS: this is worth questioning, but look at the full picture.

• Different types of professional: for complex mental health needs, a psychiatrist or clinical psychologist may be exactly right.

• For everyday wellbeing support, counselling was the right fit for me and for many people I know.

  Different types of professional:

• For complex mental health needs, a psychiatrist or clinical psychologist may be exactly right.

• For everyday wellbeing support, counselling was the right fit for me and for many people I know.

  Research shows that the strength of the relationship with your therapist is one of the most consistent predictors of how well therapy goes. So even a fully qualified professional can be the wrong fit for you. Check both registration and fit.

Finding the right therapist is a bit like dating: it takes time, and you're allowed to shop around.

• A therapist who's amazing for someone else may not click with you, and often you'll only know after a few sessions.

• You deserve someone who is qualified, keeps clear boundaries, and is genuinely helping.

Looking for a counsellor who ticks the green flags?

Book a free 15-minute call with CalmGrowth here.

Want to understand the terms used here? Visit our Glossary.